‘The act of sex I didn’t have to explain, they were already PhDs’

This was something that Sen carried forward in her form of parenting as well, although she spoke about the topic more intricately. “The conversation I’ve had with my girls is very different from what my mum had with me.”

She continued, “The act of sex I didn’t have to explain, they were already PhDs… all of them are. My younger one’s excellent in biology so she’ll get into terms and I’m like okay can we just keep it very generic? We don’t have to discuss the technicalities of it.”

The most important thing that she has “repeatedly spoken to them about” is quoting sex with respect. “You can explore yourself and your desires, but at the end of it, it should not make you feel bad.”

Sen’s candid approach to discussing this sensitive topic with her daughters highlights a growing awareness among parents and educators about the need for age-appropriate sex education. As families navigate the complexities of raising children in an increasingly interconnected world, the question arises: when and how should we introduce sex education to young minds?

As your child grows older, typically around ages 9-12, it’s important to expand the conversation to include information about the physical and emotional changes (Source: Freepik)

When should parents start talking to their kids about sex education?

Neha Cadabam, senior child psychologist at Cadabam’s Mindtalk, agrees with Sen. She says, “It’s never too early to start talking to your kids about sex education. In fact, it’s recommended to begin these conversations as early as ages 4-5. At this young age, the focus should be on establishing a foundation of knowledge about basic concepts.” 

This, she adds, includes teaching them the correct names for their body parts, explaining the importance of privacy (e.g., knocking before entering a room), and introducing the idea of consent (e.g., asking before hugging someone). By starting early and using age-appropriate language, you can help your child feel comfortable and open to talking about these topics.

“As your child grows older, typically around ages 9-12, it’s important to expand the conversation to include information about the physical and emotional changes associated with puberty. This is a crucial time to discuss topics such as menstruation, erections, and mood swings,” she states.  

When your child reaches their teenage years, the conversation needs to delve into more complex topics, she tells indianexpress.com. “This includes discussing reproductive health, contraception methods, and the risks and prevention of sexually transmitted infections (STIs). It’s important to be open and honest about these topics, providing accurate information and answering any questions your teenager may have.”

Additionally, it’s crucial to address the emotional aspects of relationships, such as communication, respect, and consent. 

Creating an open and trusting environment 

Creating an open and trusting environment for conversations about sex and bodies is crucial for fostering healthy communication with your child, asserts Cadabam. “To achieve this, it’s important to be approachable and non-judgmental. When your child asks a question, answer it honestly and directly, even if it feels awkward or uncomfortable. If you don’t know the answer, be honest about it and offer to find the information together.”

Using correct anatomical terms for body parts is also essential, as it helps to normalise the conversation and avoid any unnecessary shame or embarrassment. 

Cadabam also suggests making conversations about sex and bodies a regular part of your family’s communication. “This can be done by initiating conversations yourself, talking about relevant topics that come up in the media, or sharing your own experiences (in an age-appropriate way). The more you talk about it, the less taboo it becomes.”

Common mistakes parents make and how to avoid them

Cadabam notes, “One common mistake parents make is waiting too long to start talking to their kids about sex. It’s important to start early, even when they are young, and gradually build on the information as they grow older.”

Another mistake is turning sex education into a one-time lecture. It’s more effective to have ongoing conversations, answering questions as they arise and adapting the information to your child’s age and developmental stage.

“Using euphemisms or vague language is another common mistake. It might seem easier at the moment, but it can lead to confusion and misunderstanding. Be clear and direct, using correct anatomical terms. It might feel awkward at first, but it’s important to be comfortable talking about these topics openly,” she says

Lastly, don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. There are many resources available to help parents navigate these conversations, including books, websites, and healthcare professionals. Don’t hesitate to reach out for support if you feel unsure or overwhelmed.